As someone who has dated my fair share of neurodivergent individuals, I know a thing or two about how to survive your partner’s special interests. Here is an off-the-top-of-my-head, non-exhaustive list of some topics I’ve gained exposure to through a partner’s enthusiastic info-dumping related to a special interest…

This week I had a visit with a new optometrist. Somehow my profession came up, and next thing you know, the doctor revealed that he and his wife had been married for forty years. He proudly divulged that he would be the third consecutive generation to achieve such a long-lasting marriage.

“And you know what the secret is?” he asked me. Without waiting for a reply, he continued, “We agree to disagree. We are two separate people. We don’t try to change one another’s way of being.”

Wow, I thought. This guy and his wife realized something very crucial, something that most couples don’t even realize they are having trouble with.

Self-compassion is one of the foundational values of my work as a therapist. By this I mean that I personally believe that any lasting positive change that a person will make must come from a place of compassion extended towards themselves. Not a change that is driven by shame. Not a change driven by fear. Not a change driven by revenge, or anger, or a chaotic impulse. You have to start with compassion for yourself.

If you’re new to this, it might feel really weird. It might feel like you are coddling yourself. Your internal self-critic will lose it.